What Matters Next?
We do.
These days you could accuse me of being overly philosophical, but in times of upheaval, what other way is there to make it through? In my last post, I encouraged us to begin focusing on what will matter next over what will happen next. And this question continues to occupy me — what future do I want to help shape?
One thing that continues to occur to me is the idea of collective care. In America, we are overly focused on individual outcomes, driven by the false belief that each person has authority and autonomy of their own conditions. What continues to be revealed is that what matters acutely now is a culture of “we-ness.” To learn the lessons that are being offered during this time, I suggest we re-examine how and who we care for.
Where can we look to see models of collective caring? Scandinavian countries are often held up as an example of how to democratize access to stability through societal infrastructure. Of course, this type of system has its own flaws. The point is not to replicate old systems but to look for clues. It is interesting to take note of who is considered worthy of care and consideration. Collective care means expanding the definition of who is worth caring about.
Foundational to a culture of care is belonging. Belonging is an important and powerful step forward in creating cohesive and collective change. It enhances collective possibility by building common purpose and a sense of “we-ness.” When we are part of a tribe, we can do so much together. Social science researcher Brené Brown defines belonging as “the innate human desire to be part of something larger.”
There are lots of ways belonging can be described, but at the core it’s a feeling. You know it when you feel it. Think of a time when you felt a deep sense of belonging. It is probably not hard to grasp. One of my favorite studies asked children to describe how they knew they belonged. Some of their answers:
You know my name.
You spell my name right.
You ask me what I want to be called.
You take time to talk to me.
According to Dan Coyle of The Culture Code, “A mere hint of belonging is not enough; one or two signals are not enough. We are built to require lots of signaling, over and over. This is why a sense of belonging is easy to destroy and hard to build.” Belonging is a consistent and repetitive act. It requires recommitting, over and over again. When we work to create the conditions of belonging, there is a powerful upside.
A strong correlation exists between strong social connections and overall resilience, well-being, and cognitive function. When we belong we are more well. The need to belong is fundamental to human nature. Given this, belonging is a powerful tool. It is emotional glue that breaks down disconnection across societal systems and individual isolation. Belonging is a uniquely human intervention towards a more collective future.
As we continue to traverse the virus and come face to face with our societal ills, we have not just the opportunity but the mandate to reform our relationships to one another. The future lies in our bonds. That is one thing that matters next.
